One Wack Job Scheme Gone Too Far
by CraziiChicaa0909
Summary: Alex goes through many crazy events including finding out her boyfriend is a vampire and that the Late Nite Bite's manager's daughter has a crush on her brother. Funny, Crazy story. Alex/Dean. For Selena Gomez fans. Small bit of OOC,little twilight humor.
1. The Crazy Start

Disclaimer: Although it is my words, I own nothing. Please do not sue, as I have absolutely no money whatsoever.

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It was a warm sunny day on Waverly Place, and a certain girl wizard was up to no good.

"ALEX! GET DOWN HERE!" Yelled her father. "YOU KNOW MAGIC LESSONS ARE TODAY!"

"COMING!" Alex got up, walked to her door, and locked it. She went back to her bed and laid down. She didn't feel like lessons today. BANG! BANG! BANG! It was Jerry Russo, and he was MAD. "If you don't come out right now-" He started to talk, but Alex had unlocked her door and was in the secret lair before he had finished. She was texting her boyfriend, Dean.

"WHAT!?!?" Yelled Alex. Justin scowled at her. Magic lessons were very important to him and he hated it when she interrupted.

"Alex, if you're going to come to lessons, atleast pay attention!"

"Ugh. Don't you know me by know? You got me to come, you should just be glad of that!"

"Alex, your brother is right. Stop texting and pay attention. You might actually learn something!"

"Yeah, learning, good one."

"I'm serious."

"Fine." She texted goodbye to Dean and slammed her phone down. Her dad rambled on but she wasn't paying any attention. She was thinking of a way to get out of the lair without her dad knowing. Then it struck her. She looked at the chalkboard he was writing on. It had been right there the whole time.

"Antimino Serphlast, Mall." A ball of green and yellow light shot around the room. In an instant, there was a perfect Alex sitting there, doing what Alex normally does. But the real Alex was standing outside the mall.

"Wow. I can't believe that actually worked. But what about dad? He-" Then she realized she was talking to herself. She blushed. Then she walked into the mall as dignant as ever. She headed straight to Mister Magicianman, the booth Dean ran all by himself, where he sold cheap items he claimed were magic.

"DEAN!" She ran up and hugged him. He looked surprised as ever.

"Alex, I thought you said your dad had you prisoner?"

"I managed to escape, but that's not important. What's important is that you said your parents are letting me go on vacation with you. That's awesome!"

"Yeah, I guess."

"Dean, why aren't you excited?"

"Russo, I need to tell you something."

"What Dean? You can tell me."

"I'm a vampire." Alex stared blankly for a half second, and then burst out laughing.

"Y-you expect m-me to believe that?" Dean looked disappointed.

"I'm not kidding around, Alexandra." Now Alex was really shocked, Dean never called her by her first name. All of a sudden, he smiled a weird smile, and she was almost scared to see two fangs on the sides of her boyfriend's mouth.

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Thanks to Steph who showed me this site and helped let my creative "juices" flow.

Rate for cookies 3 Also comment on it to see how you like it and suggestions are always welcome.


	2. Where am I?

Disclaimer: Don't own anything, I can prove it!!! P.S: Don't sue, Christmas is already going to cost me my birthday money!

Alex sat up in bed and rubbed her eyes. *Was that a dream?* She thought *Nah, it seemed too realistic.* She decided to ask Dean later. She stood up and realized she wasn't in her room. Then it hit. She was sitting up in the stool she always sat in during magic lessons. MAGIC LESSONS!! She looked around and saw, OMG, HERSELF disappear in a cloud of smoke. Could it be? SHE was the decoy from yesterday that she had left. She looked at the chalkboard and saw it. In small letters: LEAD TWO LIVES IN THE SAME INSTANCE. BE YOURSELF, THEN PLACE A DECOY AND BECOME THAT DECOY WHILE "THE PAST YOU" DOES WHAT YOU DID EARLIER. Oh no. Alex was in a panic. Now dad would ask what that magic was all about, and she didn't have any idea what to do. But dad seemed as though he had no idea anything had happened at all, and Justin and Max were staring blankly at him. *Phew!* She thought *I don't know what happened but at least I'm not in trouble for it.*

"Alex? ALEX??" Jerry was yelling.

"I'M INNOCENT!!" Alex shouted.

"That's nice to know, but what's the answer to my question?" Jerry replied, unfazed.

"Can you, uhm, repeat that question?" Alex asked, blushing.

"I said, Can you test out the spell for me please? You say this," He points to the board. "And then the name of the place you want to go."

"Uh, yeah, ABOUT that…. you see," Alex started to say. Just then, the other Alex appeared in the doorway and in a big cloud of smoke, the two instances of Alex merged. Alex was dizzy for a few seconds, and when she looked around, everyone was staring at her, waiting.

"Uh, yeah, uh I can explain that…" Alex began.

"Explain what? Just do the spell already!" Jerry said.

"Oh, yeah, the spell… Antimino Serphlast, Waverly Sub Station." Alex cringed.

The familiar ball of green and yellow light shot around the room once more. Alex felt herself being pulled from her body once more and sucked into a look-alike. She then appeared downstairs in the Sub station her parents owned. She walked into the lair and saw something really unexpected. Not only did the decoy not look anything like her, but she didn't act like her either. She was being NICE and PAYING ATTENTION. Then she saw it. It wasn't her decoy, it was her MOM. *Nice going, Alex.* She thought to herself.

She saw her decoy writing on the board. It said: I HAVE STOLEN YOUR BROTHERS AND FATHER. I PLAN TO STEAL YOU. BEWARE. Alex was terrified. No, she was worse than terrified, she was furious. She leapt onto her decoy and wrestled. All of a sudden, the decoy disappeared and Alex was in a world of no existence. She was falling, no, gliding into nothingness. Then she fell hard. She rubbed her head. *What happened?? Where am I?* Alex thought to herself.

"Alex? What are you doing here?" It was Harper, but there was something strange about her. Something unusual.


	3. Justin, I need your help

Please know that the time-line thing wasn't my original idea, I remembered Dean had already broken up with Alex by the time Late Nite Bite got into the show.

Disclaimer: A 12 year old girl definitely does NOT deserve to be sued for any reason whatsoever, especially when she adds that I DO NOT OWN ANYTHING.

She had a strange, uh, was it _SMELL _to her? Alex thought for a moment. Then it struck her like lightning. (A/N: Sorry for all that "Then it hit her" stuff, writer's block...)

It was Harper from 7th grade, about three years ago. Was she trapped in some weird time-line?

"I don't know, Harper, you gotta help me." Then she remembered. (Again, Sorry!) Harper hadn't found out about Alex being a wizard until last year, and if she said too much it might mess up the time-line.

"Help you with what?" Was Harper's reply.

"I, uhm, oh! Forgot my algebra homework at home. Mind taking me?" Asked Alex.

"Don't you know where you even live??" Asked Harper. "Besides, we didn't have algebra homework today, wait, you don't even DO homework."

"Yeah, right, uh, about that, you see, I sorta, yeah." Then Alex ran off, glad of an escape. How was she supposed to know this? She was three years behind her own time and she didn't even know what day it was. She bumped into Dean. She blushed.

"Hi Dean." Three years ago, three years ago, was she still dating him? No, she didn't think so. He was dating Melony three years ago.

"What's up, Russo?" He asked.

"Uh, nothing, nothing at all, why? Do you have some reason to ask?" Alex stuttered, and then smacked herself mentally. Why did she say that?

"Okay then, bye Russo." He walked off. Alex had no time. She ran to the Waverly Sub Station. It was deserted. She ran up to her room. No-one. She headed into the lair. There was a portal in the wall. Alex jumped into it and landed on her butt on the floor of the Waverly Sub Station. Or was it? She looked around. This definitely wasn't the sub station. She stood up and saw a menu on the table. She picked it up and read it.

THE LATE NITE BITE.

The Late Nite Bite? What kind of name was that? Alex tapped a girl on the shoulder.

"Can I help you?" She asked.

"Uhm, yeah, where am I?" Alex asked.

"Why, the Late Nite Bite, silly!" She replied.

"I thought so." Alex felt dizzy. She sat down at the nearest table. To her surprise, the girl sat down next to her.

"Hi, I'm Juliet. My parents sorta own the place." She said.

"I'm Alex." Alex said plainly.

"Hey, look over there, isn't he cute?" She asked. Alex looked and practically barfed.

"That's my brother, Justin. Wait, Justin!" Alex got an idea. She hated to admit it, but if anyone could help her, it was Justin. She ran over and nearly pushed him backwards.

"Justin, I need your help." She said desperately.

"Help with what? You're supposed to be back home so I can spy on these 'Late Nite Bite' people." Said Justin. He reached over and stuffed a menu in his pocket quietly.


	4. The Other Alex

Alex: I love myself.

Me: I love myself.

Alex: Stop repeating me!

Me: Stop repeating me!

Alex: I didn't!

Me: I didn't!

Alex: I own nothing.

Me: I own nothing. Aw, shoot. Really?

Alex: Yep.

Me: If you say so.

Alex: I do.

"Where exactly IS home?" Alex said.

"Across the street. Duh! Did you hit your head or something?" Justin asked. But Alex was already out the door. She saw Dean coming in. Now was the time to see whether their love had really survived, all these years? Yeah, this had to be the future, she'd never heard of the Late Nite Bite before.

"DEAN!" She ran up and jumped into his arms.

"Russo? Why are you hugging me?" Dean asked, surprised.

"Why not?" Alex asked. Then came the answer she never wanted to hear.

"Because we broke up a long time ago." Dean answered, stunned. Alex turned around and ran to the Waverly Sub station, crying. Why would they break up? When was this? She threw herself on her bed and hugged her pillow.

"Alex? Alex? Alex?" She heard someone calling her name. She stopped crying, rubbed her eyes and sat up. It was her mom.

"What's wrong honey?" She asked.

"Dean broke up with me." Alex said.

"He broke up with you a long time ago." Said Teresa Russo. "Right?"

"I'm not from this time. A while ago, well, to you anyway, I used magic the wrong way and ended up back in time, then I went through a portal and ended up in the future…" Alex cut herself short. If she had found a portal in the lair in the past, there would be a portal now, in the future!! Alex ran to the lair, taking the steps three at a time. Sure enough, there was a portal. Alex jumped through it and was overwhelmed to find herself sitting in the stool she always sat in during magic lessons. But something was wrong. Horribly wrong. There was no-one else here. BUMP! BOOP! BIMP! POMP! Alex whirled around. There was another girl lying at the foot of the stairs. Did she trip and fall? Alex helped the other girl up. She was horrified. The girl was Juliet. She suddenly stood up and glared at Alex. Then she smiled a wicked smile. Juliet melted, and a perfect duplicate of Alex was standing there.

"It's too bad your brother was so into her, it led him right into the trap." The other Alex hissed.

"Give me my family back!" Alex yelled.

"Never." The weird voice sounded almost squeaky.

"You will hand them over." It wasn't a question. Never before had Alex felt this way about her family. All of a sudden, Alex attacked, using the little strength she had, she lunged.


	5. Family overrides allLiterally

Alex: I love myself.

Me: I love myself.

Alex: Stop repeating me!

Me: Stop repeating me!

Alex: I didn't!

Me: I didn't!

Alex: I own nothing.

Me: I own nothing. Aw, shoot. Really?

Alex: Yep.

Me: If you say so.

Alex: I do.

"Where exactly IS home?" Alex said.

"Across the street. Duh! Did you hit your head or something?" Justin asked. But Alex was already out the door. She saw Dean coming in. Now was the time to see whether their love had really survived, all these years? Yeah, this had to be the future, she'd never heard of the Late Nite Bite before.

"DEAN!" She ran up and jumped into his arms.

"Russo? Why are you hugging me?" Dean asked, surprised.

"Why not?" Alex asked. Then came the answer she never wanted to hear.

"Because we broke up a long time ago." Dean answered, stunned. Alex turned around and ran to the Waverly Sub station, crying. Why would they break up? When was this? She threw herself on her bed and hugged her pillow.

"Alex? Alex? Alex?" She heard someone calling her name. She stopped crying, rubbed her eyes and sat up. It was her mom.

"What's wrong honey?" She asked.

"Dean broke up with me." Alex said.

"He broke up with you a long time ago." Said Teresa Russo. "Right?"

"I'm not from this time. A while ago, well, to you anyway, I used magic the wrong way and ended up back in time, then I went through a portal and ended up in the future…" Alex cut herself short. If she had found a portal in the lair in the past, there would be a portal now, in the future!! Alex ran to the lair, taking the steps three at a time. Sure enough, there was a portal. Alex jumped through it and was overwhelmed to find herself sitting in the stool she always sat in during magic lessons. But something was wrong. Horribly wrong. There was no-one else here. BUMP! BOOP! BIMP! POMP! Alex whirled around. There was another girl lying at the foot of the stairs. Did she trip and fall? Alex helped the other girl up. She was horrified. The girl was Juliet. She suddenly stood up and glared at Alex. Then she smiled a wicked smile. Juliet melted, and a perfect duplicate of Alex was standing there.

"It's too bad your brother was so into her, it led him right into the trap." The other Alex hissed.

"Give me my family back!" Alex yelled.

"Never." The weird voice sounded almost squeaky.

"You will hand them over." It wasn't a question. Never before had Alex felt this way about her family. All of a sudden, Alex attacked, using the little strength she had, she lunged. She felt herself being plunged into darkness. The other Alex screamed.


	6. The final chapter

Disclaimer: *Shuffles through papers* Yep, I still don't own any of this... Oh, well.

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Then, everything was gone. The only noise was the sound of Alex's breathing. *Where am I?* She thought. Then she realized her eyes were closed. She hit herself mentally and then opened them. She was back in her own time! She ran out of the house, past the empty apartment building where the Late Nite Bite would eventually be, into the mall, up the stairs, and into Dean's arms at the Mister Magicianman booth. He smiled and hugged her back. All was right again in the world.

"So you honestly don't care I'm a vampire?" Dean asked. (Okay, I know this is bad but,)

"Just call me your Bella, Edward." Alex said, winking. Dean sighed.

"I hope you're not disappointed that I don't sparkle." He half-joked.

"I'll just have to deal with it." Alex laughed.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~ And you thought that was the end…. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Back in the lair…

"Mhhrrmm!! Mm!" Jerry Russo was furious with his daughter, Alex.

"Oh, shut up!" Yelled the clone.

"Mu mer red!!" He screamed.

"I'm what? I'm red?" Alex taunted.

"Red!! Red!!" Jerry shrieked.

"That's what I thought." She smiled. Just then, the real Alex burst into the lair.

"GIVE ME MY FAMILY BACK!!" She was prepared for anything.

"Make me." The clone smirked. Jerry was confused.

"Moo Relixess?" He asked.

"No, she's a fake!" Dean said, pointing to the real Alex. Alex took his arm and pointed it at the clone.

"Oh, right, I knew that." He said, blushing. Alex tackled the clone, but somehow ended up on the floor. The replica was too fast for her. Then Dean took a shot and pinned her down. Alex quickly untied her family and took out the gags.

"I never thought I'd say this, but thank you Alex." Jerry said. Alex felt angry for a half-second, and then let it go.

"How do we get rid of her?" She asked her dad.

"Repeat after me." He said. "Tsalhpres Onimitna Undo Merge."

"I'll try," She said nervously. " Tsalhpres Onimitna Undo Merge." That unforgettable ball of green and yellow light shot around the room for the last time. Alex was knocked out cold. When she awoke, she was on the living room couch with a small blanket lightly draped over her. Her family was sitting all around her, watching.

"Mmm..." She tried to say mom, but she found she couldn't talk. Her mother, Teresa, leaned down and hugged her.

"Shh… It's okay." She whispered.

And somewhere, deep in her heart, she knew it was, because finally the world was right again.

If I hit 50 reviews, I will add a bonus sequel chapter! So please review! ~Lexi


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